Christmas Eve

Today is December 24th, Christmas Eve.  And yet, I still have no Christmas holiday spirit.  I sit here listening to music.  No I'm not listening to Christmas music, I'm listening to the Dropkick Murphys.  If I have the spirit of any holiday it would be Saint Patrick's Day.  But I suppose that is simply because of the music.  Whether or not I have the Christmas spirit the holiday will be here tomorrow with all the trappings, the gifts, the music, the presents...I wish I could summon up the spirit like I had when I was a child.  

I don't know why the lack of spirit is bothering me.  I suppose it's because in some ways I have bought into the propaganda that I should have the holiday spirit and completely and fully embrace it.  It's everywhere and it seems like something that can't be escaped.  I wish I knew why I find it so hard to embrace it.  

Well, whether I have the spirit or not, it is soon upon us.  So merry christmas everyone.

The holidays are  upon us.  I find myself looking full into the face of another Christmas and New Year and finding it very hard to embrace the spirit of the season.  Try as I might, I am having great difficulty in finding that gem of holiday spirit which should dwell within us all.  Perhaps it is the stress of work, or the stress of having extended family around, or perhaps it is all that and more.  I know that as a child I looked forward to this time of year all year long.  And then when it came I was filled with a childlike glee and excitement.  As time has gone on that youthful joy of the season has slipped away from me.  I wish now that I could recapture it with all that it means and brings.  But even now, three days before Christmas day, I find myself struggling to remember what it felt like to be so full of the holiday spirit.  

I think I need some time alone.  I need time to find that which I have lost.  A fundamental connection to the deeper reality beyond what we see each and everyday.  Each day is so full of stress, commercialism and rush.  That connection to myself and those around me seems to have been lost.  Yes, I think it is some time alone to reflect and think.  It is something I should have done long before now.  But, alas, as I said, the mundane everyday things of life has stepped in and gotten in the way.  

As I said in a previous post, I am not about "finding myself".  This is more about remembering myself, taking the time to create myself.  I have allowed life to intrude and have allowed myself to forget who I am.  That is what I need to take time to do.  I need to remember the simple joys of life.